a-thinkin' & a-wondrin'

new roommates Zac & Matt


the back porch

the front

swag bookcase

so I live in Bend now.

yeah it's crazy like that. I didn't expect to be here this soon, but the planets aligned and here I am. well if you want to know, my best friends Zac and Lindsay Bascom are the real reason why I'm here. I don't think I'd be down here otherwise and I'm happy about that fact.

they moved, they wanted me to be their roommate, so the logical conclusion was that I should do it. another motivator was me moving out of my parents house. that was a big one for me. it's so odd right now, being on my own essentially, paying for groceries myself, and living like I should have years ago. this came about at the most opportune time in my life. I was hoping for an adventure and this is an adventure.

I've been here two weeks now and things are goin fantastic. I HAVE A JOB NOW! it's with a call center for iPhone customers. even though I don't own an iPhone, nor do I know how to use one, I'm gonna be helping people who do own one. after three weeks of training I'll know them back to front.

so I've been blessed with a job, a house, good friends and an amazing new home: Bend. I want all my friends to come and visit me all this summer! this year is lookin pretty good thus far.

all manner of malady come to be seen

I found a version of this online and thought it looked astounding, so naturally I decided to give it a whirl. First, you open your iTunes and put it on shuffle. Then you write a poem using the first audible line of each song. Mine shall go like this:

I am thinking it's a sign
I am born to hang
sweet talkin' Johnny push a john quicker than he spit
you may be an ambassador to England or France
however hard I try, I crawl when I should fly

Many men have battled,
I see thy love in the distance
Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
take leave the conscious mind
when you're back in your old neighborhood

You took it back
another year has gone by
let's take a ride to the easy plateau
the first time I saw you
here we go.

I'd like to drop my trousers to the world
feels like you're miles from here,
I thought about my life
born a poor young country boy

Stickshifts and safetybelts
I think that it's time to get out
throw my ticket out the window
Cain said to Abel

Closer away from the boundaries
she says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
soon ends our stay here and it's been fun.
I don't want to be your friend
today’s been a career day

I shoulda known better with a girl like you
on it's on, I declare my room a scene
something in the way she eases my mind
the final phase
golly Sandra

and I heard a voice through the dischord
white moon, white moon breaks open the tomb
all manner of malady come to be seen

This Is My [A-->B] Life

As promised, here is an alternate version of an itunes survey that I'm going to take using my playlist on shuffle. I can't get enough of these. They're so fun and eerie depending on what your responses are. To mix it up, each song represents a track to the soundtrack of my life. I'm playing the first 18 songs that come up on my itunes, no matter how embarrassing. You can do this too if you feel like it. This is how she goes:

Track no. 1: Opening Credits
Bob Dylan - "Ballad in Plain D" (Cool, that'd make a sweet opener)

Track no. 2: Waking Up
Beirut - "The Penalty" (I can picture it well. Great ukulele song, even better than that ukulele version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow)

Track no. 3: First Day of School
Coldplay - "How You See The World No. 2" (Yes indeedy)

Track no. 4: Falling In Love
Pinback - "Messenger" (I'm with a girl who's stationed far from here...)

Track no. 5: Fight Song
Clinic - "Family" (We will fight psychedelically!)

Track no. 6: Breaking Up
Jenoah - "Man In Me (Bob Dylan cover)" ('It ain't me babe, it ain't me you're looking for babe.' Wow, that's insanely accurate)

Track no. 7: Prom Night
Thrice - "Digital Sea" (Sorta techno-y style. I can dance to it like nobody's business)

Track no. 8: Life's Okay
Pete Yorn - "Black" ('I’m just a lonely guy in my youth, waiting for you is all I wanna do.' That's me to a tee)

Track no. 9: Nervous Breakdown
The Frames - "True" (What a soothing breakdown it'd be)

Track no. 10: Road Trip
Wilco - "Sunken Treasure" (Seriously good driving tunes)

Track no. 11: Flashback Montage
Grandaddy - "Under the Western Freeway" (It certainly lends itself to a trippy flashback sequence, doesn't it?)

Track no. 12: Making Up
The Beautiful Mistake - "Walking Wounded" (I had to cheat and shuffle two more times because Wilco and Coldplay came up again and I wanted a more diverse group of artists to contribute to this list. I apologize for the inconsistency, but this song suits it much better anyway)

Track no. 13: Wedding
Cake - "Race Car Ya-Yas" ('...the land where large fuzzy dice still hang proudly like testicles from rear-view mirrors...' Hahaha only at my wedding)

Track no. 14: First Baby
Project 86 - "Rebuttal" (Strange, I think my cheating messed this up. Or maybe it didn't? My first baby is really gonna dig some macabre rock n' roll)

Track no. 15: Final Battle
Eddie Vedder - "Long Nights" (Picturing this in my head it looks so EPIC!)

Track no. 16: Death Scene
My Morning Jacket - "Heartbreakin Man" (I do in fact want to die listening to this one song)

Track no. 17: Funeral Song
The Clash - "White Riot" (Haha, what does that tell you about me? I'm white and there's gonna be a riot at my funeral apparently. Nice)

Track no. 18: Closing Credits
As I Lay Dying - "Collision" / City and Colour - "Hello, I'm In Delaware" (This is interesting. I know As I Lay Dying is still on my itunes, but I think I kinda hate them now. I've lost a taste for the harder, metal music and developed into a folk/acoustic sensibility. City and Colour is a reflection of this new taste in music style. It was on random and I didn't pick it personally, but it fits me so well)

So as you can see, a few times I had to cheat and skip to the next song, partly to add more variety, partly because I keep forgetting that I still have some metal bands on my itunes that I never listen to anymore. I think it went well. It was fun and a lot of the songs were relevant to each aspect of my life soundtrack. As for the later half of my life that I know nothing about, that remains to be seen. Now I need to find a cooler survey to take next month. Cheers!

Age Quod Agis

I've become a sucker for Latin. It's hands down the most beautiful and wisest of the languages, and of course, all the romance languages are based in it (i.e. french, italian, etc.)

I thought I'd give a few phrases that sound awesome and have really cool meanings too.

First off:

Age Quod Agis = Do what you do well/Be present in what you are doing
Adeste Fideles = Be present, faithful ones
Cui Peccare Licet Peccat Minus = One who is allowed to sin, sins less

Then there's:

Dum Spiro, Spero = While I breathe, I hope
Dum Vita Est Spes Est = While there is life, there is hope
Esto Perpetua = Be thou forever/Endure forever/Let it be perpetual

And even more:

A Cruce Salus = Salvation from the Cross/From the Cross, comes salvation
Domine, Dirige Nos = Lord, direct us/Lord guide us
Deus Absconditus = God who is hidden

Finally:

Sic Transit Gloria = Glory fades (Rushmore/Brand New fans? Anyone?)
Nil Desperandum = Never despair

There you go. This concludes your first Latin lesson. Consummatum Est (It is finished).

Cry Myself A River and Row My Boat Ashore

this is my feeble attempt at a worship song. it's my kind of worship song all right!

oh healer wont'choo come?
sit beside me,
lay your warmth upon me
open up my tear ducts
and let it rain down sadness
flush out this madness in me
I can't cry, on my own
I don't know why, even now
can you tell me how?
how to feel a fraction
of the way you do?
oh healer wont'choo come?

A Hymn for the Ghost Man (Who Found His Place In The World and Called It Good)

wanderin through the snow with no shoes on
no clothes to speak of
i don't know where i'm going but it must be somewhere good
neglectin frostbite creeping through my veins
that's the least of my worries
i'm travelin heavenbound
on this cold, cold, "damn it's cold!" ground

i count the dead frozen neath my feet
and stagger on and suck cold air
it's a fools errand with no reward
i started twenty or so years ago
and sacrificed my heart and soul
i'm continuin heavenbound
on this cold, cold, desolate ground

I Am Nothing (That's That)

I am nothing
but air
and cells
and divisions
and vessels
and veins
and sinews
and bones
and blood
and muscles
and skin
and limbs
and heartbeats
and nitrogen
and oxygen
and countless other things that make up my body chemistry that would take far too long to name
but again I am nothing
a body
hurtling
through this life
this existence
this reality
this planet
this year
this month
this week
this day
this hour
this second
right now at the time you would call 12:51 am on a dreary late night in December where I find that I can't go to sleep just yet and realize that I really am sick.
the one person who said they never get sick
has gotten sick
and I feel it
nose stuffed
head hurts
can't think
hard to write these words
I know I'd better get to bed
but do I write more?
or just go to sleep?
I'll write till I can't think of anything more to say and that'll be when I know to get some shut-eye.
I never fully realized the significance of that saying: shut-eye.
I used to think as a kid it meant shudeye, but that makes absolutely no sense.
I started this as a poem but it doesn't seem like one now
I'm not very good at writing poetry though, but who's to say this still isn't a poem?
I say it is!
and why not?
who are you to say what is and isn't?
I declare that what is is and what isn't isn't
and that's that.
is this the end?
yes, it is the end.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

I know this has been done many times over by countless other people, but I did this last month and it was really cool. Now I'm doing it again to see what my results will be. Basically, you put your iTunes playlist on shuffle and use the title of each song to answer these questions. I'll post them with a little commentary on how accurate/eeriely correct they are. Let's get this rolling, first question:

How am I feeling today?
"Unconditional" - The Bravery
('I just want I just want love, I just want somethin for nothin' - yeah I do.)

Will I get far in life?
"I Should Have Known Better" - The Beatles
(Dang, that sucks. The Beatles know everything, even me.)

How do my friends see me?
"Man On The Moon" - cover by Shout Out Louds
(I guess I am a bit of a space case sometimes, and a Andy Kaufman fan.)

Where/When/or even Will I get Married?
"I Knew" - Slick Shoes
('I saw you and I knew, that you were the one for me' - wow, I thought I wouldn't get married.)

What song will I dance to at my wedding reception?
"It Just Is" - Rilo Kiley
(And what a beautiful dance it will be...)

What is my best friend's theme song?
"All I Have" - Haste The Day
(Yeah, pretty spot on considering he really digs Haste The Day.)

What is the story of my life?
"*******" - Jets To Brazil
(Yes! Yes! Yes! JTB! So me, it's uncanny how this one came up.)

What was high school like?
"Danny Boy" - Some unknown Celtic woman
(This song is so haunting and beautiful it gives me goose pimples. That's high school for me all right.)

How am I going to get ahead in life?
"I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday (live)" - Morrissey
(Yes, but how dammit! Tell me how Morrissey!)

What is the best thing about me?
"Coney Island" - Death Cab for Cutie
(That explains nothing actually. Thank you Ben Gibbard.)

How is today going to be?
"Every Dream" - Mourning September
(Okay, cool. I need to start writing my dreams down. I had a crazy one last night and totally forgot about it. It involved bowling, I think.)

What is in store for this weekend?
"A Simple Plan" - Pedro the Lion
(Sweet. I like simple. Probably me jamming on guitar with Felix.)

What song describes my parents?
"The Cape" - Clinic
(Every time I come to this one, the answer never makes any sense.)

My grandparents?
"Tautou" - Brand New
('Sinkin like a stone in the sea, I'm burnin like a bridge for your body' - I want to say yes, but I don't rightly know what I'd be saying yes to.)

How is my life going?
"Nothing Lasts Forever" by Echo & The Bunnymen
(What the hell is that supposed to mean?!)

What song will play at my funeral?
"Deth Kult Social Club" - From Autumn To Ashes
(I could only imagine how that'd go over with my relatives... gosh wow.)

How does the world see me?
"Do Your Best And Don't Worry" - Morrissey
(Another Moz song, yeah this one does suit me oddly.)

Will I have a happy life?
"Education" - Modest Mouse
(Huh? Does that mean I will be making it to grad school after all?)

What do my friends really think of me?
"Remnants" - My Morning Jacket
('There i saw a new heaven, formed in the bleeding light of dusk. All souls, all faiths, always we are one' - Hmm, I guess I am pretty loving of everyone...)

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Matches" - The Format
('Do you remember we made love on the floor and you still haven't called' - Whoa, I think so.)

How can I make myself happy?
"Tears and Rain" - James Blunt
(Wahoo! I'll go cry next time it's raining outside. Just another usual day for Jon.)

What should I do with my life?
"Easy Plateau" - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals
('I want an easy plateau, some place to rest my head' - that's exactly what I need to do, although there aren't that many plateaus in Portland that I can think of.)

Will I ever have children, God forbid?
"Andalucia" - cover by Yo La Tengo
(I assume that will be my first child's name? I dig it. It's a gnarly name.)

What is some good advice for me?
"Hard To Explain" - The Strokes
( 'Pretend to be nice so I can be mean. I missed the last bus. I'll take the next train. I'll try, but you see it's hard to explain.' No fair. I need some good solid advice.)

What is my signature dancing song?
"5-3-10-4" - Alkaline Trio
(I can definitely slam dance to this one.)

What do I think my current theme song is?
"Maps" - The Snake The Cross The Crown
(A good, solid folk song that tugs at your heartstrings, just like me.)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Black" - Pete Yorn
(Probably cause 3/4ths of my wardrobe is black.)

What type of men/women do I like?
"Librarian" - My Morning Jacket
(I love the smart, bookish types a lot. Haha.)

If someone says, "Is this okay?" I say?
"Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)" - Bob Dylan
(Oh how I love to be quirky and weird.)

What would best describe my personality?
"Breakthrough" - Modest Mouse
(You could say I'm like a Modest Mouse song and you'd be 100% right.)

What is my life's purpose?
"O Come O Come Emmanuel" - cover by Sufjan Stevens
(Jesus is kinda a big deal in my life, yeah.)

What is my motto?
"Lost at Sea" - Eisley
(Crazy! I am a Seafaring man! Or as Sigur Rós puts it, a 'Sæglópur'.)

What do I think of my best friend?
"In The Lost and Found (Honky Bach)" - Elliott Smith
(My best friend Chris might not agree.)

What do I think about very often?
"I'm The Man Who Loves You" - Wilco
(And that is very true, undeniably.)

What do I think of the person I like?
"Breaking The Broken" - Sparta
('And you should know, only you control my heart. Feelings overshadow reason, blocks out everything. And all that matters should be me and you' - that says it all.)

What do I want to be when I grow up? (assuming I haven't grown up already)
"Everyday" - cover by Rogue Wave
(I want to be a musician, that's what and play Buddy Holly covers)

What are my hobbies/interests?
"Bad Dream Mama (Live)" - Eagles of Death Metal
(My hobbies do consist of being sexy and playing Death Metal.)

What do my parents think of me?
"How To Be Dead" - Snow Patrol
(Oh fantastic.)

What is my biggest secret?
"I Still Remember" - Bloc Party
('You should have asked me for it, I would have been brave. You should have asked me for it. How could I say no?' - Doesn't quite answer it for me personally, but I love this song anyway.)

What is one thing I regret?
"Pressed In A Book" - The Shins
('Did i strike the right set of chords? you're annoyed. The goal is to ignite you then move on.' - Half true I guess.)

What makes me laugh?
"Dinner At The Money Table" - The Early November
(Jeez, yeah. Broken relationships that end in heartbreak really put me in stitches.)

What makes me cry?
"Get Behind Me, Santa!" - Sufjan Stevens
(I f@#%ing hate Santa Claus! Ahh! Kill him! This song is all about the over-commercialization of Christmas. 'I don't care about what you say, Santa Claus. You're a bad brother breaking into people's garage.' It's supposed to be all about Jesus.)

What scares me the most?
"Liar (It Takes One To Know One)" - Taking Back Sunday
(I am pretty afraid of liars. They suck a lot. Please don't lie to me.)

What hurts right now?
"You Can Have It All" - Yo La Tengo
(Sad. There's nothing left for me.)

What's the worst thing that could happen?
"Time Won't Let Me" - The Zombies
(Yeah that would be bad.)

How will I die?
"Solace" - Project 86
(Oh good. I thought I'd die poor and alone.)

If there was a Delorean that could go back in time, what would I change?
"Broken Bones" - Aqualung
(I haven't broken any of my bones - knock on wood.)

What will I post this as?
"I Will Follow You Into The Dark" - Death Cab for Cutie
(Flippin amazing song! Yes indeed!)

That certainly took a long time, but it was worth it for the answers. There's always a few that are dead on target. I'm gonna try this again next month and see what answers I get then. You should definitely try this if you haven't already. Do it!

Oh Colin...

So yes, I was privileged enough to go to The Decemberists at the Crystal Ballroom on Saturday with my English friend Piet. We got in free as his sister-in-law Kim is a top-notch photographer and she was able to get us on the guestlist! It was amazing! So come showtime, the place is packed out with people of all ages (from about 10 years old - up to 50 yrs.) I never knew that The Decemberists had such a diverse fanbase. They rule, so I guess everyone listens to them.

After the opening act (Loch Lomond - wasn't digging 'em all that much, although Piet did) shuffled off and we were forced to wait for what seemed like hours, they took the stage to clatterings and chiming and all sorts of mish-mashings of sound and funkiness which eventually coalesced into Shanty For the Arethusa! They kept up the pace with a little Billy Liar action and followed it with Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect. After that trifecta of awesomeness, Colin and crew played 3 new songs from their Always The Bridesmaid singles series in succession of brilliance - Valerie Plame, O New England, and Record Year. Each of these new songs showed a poppier, sunnier, and some may say Belle & Sebastian-esque side of The Decemberists. I was thoroughly enjoying meself. Following the new ones, they busted out The Island: Come and See/The Landlord's Daughter/You'll Not Feel The Drowning in all its 12 minute glory. Then they launched into The Engine Driver to much applause by me and everyone in attendance. Sadly, they didn't play On The Bus Mall. I was lucky enough to snag the set list at the end of the show and On The Bus Mall was listed in between The Engine Driver and the song they ended up playing after it was a new one called Days of Elaine. They hopped back to Crane Wife with The Perfect Crime # 2, then a song I recently heard for the first time but wasn't on Crane wife called The Culling Of The Fold. Earlier in the show, people had yelled out "Valenica! Play Valencia!" as in their song O Valenica! Someone else responded by saying, "Play whatever the fuck you want!" They did play O Valencia! later on and we all sang dutifully along. Their song before the encore was 16 Military Wives, one of my favs off Picaresque. Colin would hold his hand up to his head and salute right before the chorus and we'd all salute with him. Colin was hilarious and had amazing audience relation skills. He got everyone to sing all together at the end of Billy Liar. He was a bit wary of the balcony people and said, "I didn't hear you people in the balcony. I know it was low but I'm keeping my eye on you tonight. I'm concerned. I feel like you're not gonna be fully involved in this. That's very troubling to me. You look like you're up to no good. So I'm keeping my eye on you." After thinking it couldn't get any better, Colin and John the drummer came out and did a short song called Raincoat, then the full band came back out and they topped the whole thing off with Sons & Daughters! All their friends, and family, and Loch Lomond came on and we all sang the last line of the song together, "Here all the bombs fade away" It was bliss. Pure unbridled bliss. I went home that night with a hop in my step and a flutter in my chest. What a great spectacle it was. Plus I got the set list from a ravenous group of teenage girls. It couldn't have ended up any better. Thank you Colin, Jenny, John, Nate and Chris for giving me the show of a lifetime!

When Our Feet Touch The Bottom (That's How I'll Know)

This is about the 10th or 11th song I've written this past month (November). I like to think of it as a fun sorta song about how a person may think their life is going good and proper when in actuality it's crumbling apart and they're just letting it all unfold, not lifting a finger to change its course. I was going to call it Quick Sand but that was just way too cliché for me. I think it's in the key of C#:

I think there's a communication breakdown
there must be some kinda trouble
I'm paralyzed and can't make a sound
my heartbeat, I think it's doubled
thought we was standin on solid ground
turns out we was sinkin in quick sand
shall we grasp hands 'fore we slip down?
you grab my hand but it slips outta yer hand

I'm sinkin down down down
we're sinkin down down down
there's nobody around round round
hush, don't make a sound sound sound

The more you fight it the worse it gets
take a deep breath, your last one
and sink to the bottom

1 Corinthians 15:51 (Mystery and Victory)

I felt like writing a poem/lament psalm in the vein of Bradley Hathaway. I tried not to rip off his style completely. This is more or less what I'd call a lament psalm:

let this sadness envelope me
like a blanket of shame and swollen misery
so cold and heavy it is
so tiresome and worrying it is
to be so bothered and smothered
by my own shortcomings and failings
that i can't come to grips
with this pain that rips
it's way through
my arteries and ventricles
i am only a humble vessel
a poor human, nothing special
that's been used and abused
these past two decades
my pain, no doubt it wanes
but sometimes it swells
to an interminable size
so you see why i stumble
why i'm splitting at the seams?
why i'm clawing at the very corners of my dreams?
i'm as they say, "lost at sea, a lonely seafarer!"
my allusions are too vague however
and my metaphors so weak
my prose isn't all that clever
but out of my sadness, a solemn voice speaks
"You are not lost you wretched little thing!
Whoever put the thought in your poor little mind?"
the voice echoes, reverberates, then dissipates
as quick as it comes, so hastily it goes
and here i am again
left to propose,
am i alone?
not really.

Silence

what's happening here?
i was once alive
and now i'm so full of dread
and almost dead
show me your wounded head
that has led to communion with the Father
but where did he go?
His presence seems farther and farther away each day
but i'm trying so hard to steer his way
yet still lonely and confused
on this cold hard ground i lay
speak to me wise mouth and say
"it's all good kid, it's nothing that you did
and though it feels like I'm not here with you right now
just be still and listen for that sound"
(did you hear it?)
listen again.
did you hear it?
that silent voice that just spoke nothing?
that is me!
I'm listening to your plea
with open ears
counting all your tears
flowing from your irritated eyes
searching the skies
looking for that HOPE that beyond there lies.
you young worrisome sparrow, find rest.
lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast
and make it your nest.
no strong cold wind
could ever blow and carry you
from this your home.
look around
see the life
springing up from the ground?
spring colors springing forth
in celebration
of your trusting.
it's a constant process this is
growing you into the person
that you're to become
but when you sense the setting of the sun
know that it's only rising and has just begun.
NOW GO FORTH!
sing songs of faith!
and lift up others in the midst of this race
and if you can't keep the pace
or lose sight of my face
know that I'm always near
so you NEED NOT FEAR.
(but don't worry about all that right now)
just sit here and enjoy the peace I offer in my silence.
when I am silent I am listening
and not abandoning.

~Silence by Bradley Hathaway
(from All The Hits So Far, But Don't Expect Too Much)

I feel like this poem all the time and it aches my heart to feel so distant from God, when in reality I'm not so far away. It genuinely speaks to me where I'm at right now. I dig Bradley's lyricism and poetry. I've met him a couple times and every time he's been a truly sincere and honestly amazing dude after God's own heart. You should most definitely check his stuff out. He does songs now, which is cool.

Am I having an existential crisis?

I don't know if I am or not, but Oh God do I feel like complete and utter shit right now. I don't know why I thought I'd post that but I really, really do. I'm not asking for sympathy or anything. I'm not feeling suicidal or anything drastic, more like my life sucks right now and I'm hoping for something better to come along soon. The way I'm feeling is partly due to seeing Synecdoche, New York with Zac last night. Don't plan on seeing it unless you want the happiness sucked out of your soul. It's a ballsy flick but I wouldn't necessarily recommend viewing it if you like coherent films with uplifting themes. It is essentially a horror film.

So yes, I feel like shit at this moment, after staying up all night listening to songs and evaluating where my life is at. I'm sure things will pick up, I'm just in a lull physically, emotionally, career-wise, life-wise, etcetera etcetera. Don't pity me. I'm in a heightened state or something stupid. Forgive me of my harsh words but I can't hide this. Pray for me please. I know everyone has their own problems, but for some reason I can't shake whatever the hell has a hold of me.

Music Galore!

Here are plenty of new music videos to tide you over.

This one's called "Love, Your Son"



Slight correction: My biological mom's name is actually Patricia. My brother Ryan is also adopted and Debra is his mom's name.

"Devil In My Skin"



"Hang Him High"

After watching myself on this, I have some weird accent at the end of each chorus. I really need to stop listening to myself. This is just too odd. Oh, and the camera is set on a tripod but it shakes for no reason.

Art Retreat 2008

This past weekend, I attended the annual Art Retreat in lush Newport at the wonderful as always SeaKrest Lodge. This was my first Art Retreat as an alumni and not an art student. My professors and friends were more than welcome to have me chill with them and I was honored to get to go. I went four years in a row since 2004 and now this was my fifth time round. The lodge has never changed and has remained as classic as ever. It's got a spacious living room with a nice fireplace in the middle, comfy couches all around, a piano, a pool and foosball tables - where I've both won and lost many late night games. I brought my guitar along, and I think I have for the past 5 years. I also brought a ton of guitar tabs. I basically sang and played guitar all weekend. It was fantastic. Exactly what I wanted to do.

Jenny Honan and I drove down with her roommate Rachel. We made it down they're pretty fast, although the traffic was lame for most of it. After everyone settled down on the couches, Mary Saunders got us all to do some icebreaker games. One involved throwing one of your shoes in a pile, picking up a random one and finding the owner to get to know them. I met Karina Salgado, who's the sister of my friend Dania (Salgado) Behrens. Small world. She's a graphic designer! Yippee! Then we played a huge game of Rock Paper Scissors where the loser has to get behind the winner and chant their name. At one point I got three people behind me chanting "Jon! Jon! Jon!" It was pretty funny. After introductions where everyone said their name, major, hometown, we had to say something cool/interesting about ourselves. I didn't have anything cool so I just made mine up. I said that I was a Mathlete in high school and we went to a competition held in Disneyland and got 2nd place. In unison, everyone gave an impressed "Ohhhh" and I was surprised that they all believed it! I later told my friends Mary, Jenny, Jen Morse, and Austin that I made it up. They thought it was smart that I said we won second place because if I had said 1st place it would have been too good of a story and if I'd said 3rd it wouldn't have been that impressive. So I was quite amused with myself for convincing everyone I was a hardcore Mathlete. I apologize to any current/former Mathletes who may be reading this. After getting acquainted and such, Bob the graphics professor said he had a video for us and that it was only going to be 30 minutes long. It ended up being 2 hours long and was essentially a shoddily made Evangelism tool about a Black Muslim man named Mohammed in Africa who converted to Christianity and was persecuted by his family and almost killed. The movie had a good message in it and there were parts to it that were engaging but the last 10 minutes or so had a terribly cheesy spouting of verses we'd all heard before (i.e. John 3:16) and to make it worse the man who was saying it was in a room full of specially positioned candles. Bob had good intentions I'm sure, but it was rather uncomfortable having to sit and watch it and not wanting to be rude and walk out and do something else. It was awkward and by the time it was done it was 11:30 and everybody went to bed, so it messed up our chance of doing anything. We at least had Saturday and part of Sunday to do stuff.

Saturday I woke up at 8:00am, took a shower and hung out on the beach to play a few songs before breakfast at 9. I played 4 songs and went back up to eat some flapjacks and syrup-covered hashbrowns. Two other art alumni came back to the art retreat to help cook for everybody, Kirsten and Breanne. So it made feel okay to go along even though I graduated already. They did a bang-up job cooking meals for everybody. They made some killer chili from a recipe by Mark Terry. Best chili I've had ever, and it was from scratch! Yeah. So the day was pretty casual. Tim, Austin, Mary, and Jen Morse did some sand casting on the beach and I sat on a log and played some more guitar. I even busted out my harmonica rack and played both. It was fun. I had a audience of surfers and sand casters. I hung around all the people making sand faces and even a dog. Mary was making a dog and as she was scraping it out, the head and leg broke off... :( It looked cool, what was left of it. The rest of the day I watched Jenny Honan make a really rad book/journal with wax polka dots on it. She even put a little Bon Iver song quote in the margin on the first page. Just thinkin about how rad it was makes me want one. I went outside after a PB&J lunch, sat on a red picnic bench, and played guitar and sang tons of songs for what must have been hours. It was weird. I played better than I normally have in a long time. I actually sang them like they were meant to sound. It was crazy. I was on point or something. For some reason, I had three quarters in my pocket and I flung them on the beach after a couple songs, sorta like my penance to the sea. I had a fantastic relaxation time sitting by the sea, strumming my guitar and singing my favorite songs. I sang a lot of Thrice, City And Colour, Decemberists, Morrissey, and Jimmy Eat World songs that I know. I even sang a few of my own songs and sang them like I've never sung them before. I'm really dig this one I just wrote called "Devil in my Skin." I hope to put up the lyrics and maybe even a video of it on here soon. Yeah Saturday was baller. That night we had our usual gigantic bonfire time where we light tons of wooden palettes on fire. The heat was unbearable and you couldn't stand that close. Jen Morse, Mary, and myself did a thing called startripping where you run around in a circle looking up at a star, then a camera is flashed directly in your eyes. It totally disorients you and sends you falling to the ground. It's the best thing next to a roller coaster ride. We did that a lot that night. Then Austin, Jen, and I did a triple startrip and it was gnarly! We all fell down hard, but it's sand so it wasn't bad. We even got Tim Timmerman do do it! Although it only took him 10 seconds and he fell down before we could flash a camera in his eyes. It was flat-out hilarious! I love Tim. :)

We stayed up a little more after that in the lodge, watching videos of turtles having incredibly awkward sex (apparently the male turtle pokes his neck out extremely far and the female wasn't having it - check out youtube). We all went to bed early, at least early for me at midnight. Sunday I woke up at 7:30, took a shower again, ate some Froot Loops and drank some earl gray tea, and then brought the tea with me onto the beach where I wandered around for an hour while everyone had breakfast. I listened to The Frames, drank tea, and I couldn't help being stunned by God's frickin amazing beauty right in front of me. It was transcendental to say the least. I climbed up on the side of the rocky cliffs and sat watching the coming and going of the waves, the bright sunshine beaming down on me, and random people adventuring around me. It was beautiful and perfect and I couldn't have asked for anything better. I sat for a few Frames songs; I was listening to their For The Birds album and the songs "Giving Me Wings", "Star Star" and "Friends and Foe". As I was walking back listening to the song "Lay Me Down," I couldn't help but boogie my way back, singing along and strutting in time. It makes me smile just thinking about it. The whole weekend was perfect and I am so happy that I went. It was truly a retreat for me, both from the funk that Portland has me in and the post-grad depression that has enveloped me since May. What was really funny/sorta cool was that Jenny Honan and I were the last ones to leave with professor Gary Buhler in his white truck. It was odd and yet really fun riding with Gary as there was never a lull in conversation and it wasn't awkward at all like we thought it'd be. We had a good but long ride back to campus, where I went to Jenny's apartment so she could shower and take me back to Portland. I had an awesome time hanging out at the Art Retreat with her, my other art friends like Mary, Jen Morse, and Austin Salzwedel and of course all the art professors like Mark Terry, Tim Timmerman, Doug, Dave, Karen, and Bob. It was like being home again. Thanks for having me and mentoring me and being there all those years. I guess I'll see all of you when the Lippi Awards come around... Here's my crazy friend Austin. Seriously good times!

Will Never Marry

So my big brother Chris has been married for two days now. Him and his lovely bride Stacy officially tied the knot at the Holy Trinity Church in Beaverton on Saturday and I couldn't have been happier for the pair of them. They've been engaged for about six years now and everyone in our family knows that that is a long engagement. They've been married in my mind for that long, it just took them until now to make it legit. I love them both and Stacy is a welcome addition to our rapidly growing family.

Both my brothers are married now. One thing that bothers me about wedding time is that my relatives invariably ask the question "So when are you getting married?" It is now down to my sister Caitie and me in terms of saying "I do." I try to avoid the question as humanly possible and immediately brush it off or change the subject. My main answer has been "...not for awhile" or "not in the near future" when in actuality, I don't ever want to be married, ever. I'm almost 100% sure of this. I know that whenever I say this kind of thing, people automatically counter it with "You say that now, but you'll find that special someone soon." But no, I daresay I won't. Sure no one dies alone, and I'm not going to die alone. I'll die with plenty of friends as support. I don't need a partner alongside me to validate my life or make me feel complete. I'm as complete as I'm gonna get.

Morrissey, the former front-man of The Smiths and solo musician, puts it very succinctly in his song "Will Never Marry" off his Bona Drag album. He says, "I'm writing this to say in a gentle way, thanks but no / I will live my life as I will undoubtedly die... alone" Now granted Morrissey himself is an incredibly ardent loner who claims he is bored with both men and women, I really relate with the way he feels. I feel like people have been pushing upon me this idea that you must marry, raise a family and lead this very structured life. I'm preposterously unstructured and I demand a non-linear sort of life in which having a wife simply will not fit into. There is the off-chance that there's someone out there who fits that bill, but I highly doubt it. Plus, I don't have the sort of commitment that is required of a husband. I can barely take care of myself let alone another human being. Our marriage would fail miserably, so I'm really better off. And I'm broke and living with my parents so there you go.

The Dandy Warhols & Sigur Rós - You Have Killed Me

So I've had a pretty action-packed Sunday/Monday double combo. Last night I scoped out The Dandy Warhols at the Roseland with my best friends Zac & Linds. The show was super dope and they played for a solid two hours - from 11pm to 1am - after the first two bands, one of which had reunited for the Dandy's tour after several years apart. They were called Swoon23. I wasn't as big a fan of The Dandy Warhols before seeing them, but when I did see them live last night, I fell in love. Way rad band and you should see them live if possible.

Moving on from that show and on to the one I just got back from - Sigur Rós! Oh man oh man oh man was that the best show I've ever and will ever be privileged to attend. I'm so glad I got my tickets months ago cause it was packed out at the Schnizter Concert Hall. That place is so beautiful and it provided the right atmosphere for Sigur Rós. There was a band called Parachutes that came out before them and I thought it was Sigur Rós. They sounded very similar and had the same length of songs as them. They were sick and I got into them really easily. After they took a humble bow - all 8 or 9 of them I think - they cleared off and the stage was re-arranged for Sigur Rós. At 9pm, they took the stage to raucous applause, hooting and cat-calls. The keyboard/piano player Kjartan came out wearing a conductors tux jacket with long tails, sat at the piano and played one single note and I already knew the name of the song they were about to play: Svefn-G-Englar off their first official album Ágætis Byrjun. I knew this was going to be an amazing show. Here's the setlist from what I can remember and in no particular order:

Svefn-G-Englar
Flugufrelsarinn
Ný Batterí
Glósóli
Með Blóðnasir (For this one, the lead singer Jónsi asked everybody in English to sing along in a low voice while he sang the high part and everyone sang the Ohhh ohh ohhh part. It was beautiful)
Við Spilum Endalaust
Hoppípolla
Heysátan
Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur
Sæglópur
Fljótavík
Gobbledigook (They had Parachutes come back on stage with a bunch of big drums and everyone was clapping along with the song. Then a ton of confetti shot out everywhere at the end - It was epic!)
Untitled 8 - Popplagið (Nice ender song - well played)

During the show, there'd be projections going on behind them. Sometimes it would show a close-up camera angle of Jónsi playing his guitar with a cello bow, or their drummer Orri hitting the bass drum, or their bass player Georg. I'm guessing there must have been a few cameras stationed around them. It was really cool when it was projected behind them. Sometimes there were these white floating globes that would have lights shining on them. Most of the time the projectors would have close-up distorted images of children's faces moving around. It was eerie and cool at the same time. It definitely added a whole other dimension to the show. It was everything I was hoping it'd be and a trillion times more. Sigur Rós is a band that I've been dying to see ever since I first heard them and I knew that their kind of music is huge and it's really hard to see them. They don't come to the states all that often and the last time they came was a year ago. But now I've seen them live and I can die happy. Thank you Jónsi, Kjartan, Georg and Orri. You guys have made my night and probably my next few weeks.

I'm Amazed (by My Morning Jacket)

Yesterday, technically only 4 hours ago, I saw My Morning Jacket play live at Edgefield in Troutdale. It was beautiful, spectacular, glorious, mind-blowing/destroying, just...ahhh!!! I'd have to bust out a thesaurus to be able to describe it accurately and articulately enough. See, a normal band plays each of their songs the best they can to sound like they do on their cd's. Jim James & Co. do that and then they like to throw in some sheer funky crazy wildness that you have no idea how to handle. Each of their songs turns into a sick guitar meshing solo that rocks on forever. I got there around 8:00pm and so I missed half their set, which sucked, but the money was well worth it to hear the rest of their 3 hour set. Here are some of the songs they played and if you aren't a fan of MMJ, you should be:

Wordless Chorus (Jim James has quite honestly the highest human voice ever heard on this!)
Lay Low
Dondante
Mahgeeta
Run Thru
Sec Walkin'
Steam Engine
Easy Morning Rebel
Librarian (A song dedicated to all the sexy librarians out there)
Smokin From Shootin
Touch Me I'm Going To Scream Pts. I & II (This is a beautifully arranged and layered song. I love how they rolled it all into one)
Highly Suspicious (A real funny song, and great to sing-along to)
Anytime (Love this one so much, off "Z")
One Big Holiday (They finished their huge set off with this one from their "It Still Moves" album. I was so glad they saved this for last cause it's the perfect song to go out on)

I'm so glad I decided to go. At first I wasn't cause I knew it was going to be at least $40, and I was kinda busy up until 6:40pm when it started, but I had to see them so bad. It was worth it, even seeing only half their set. I wish I could've seen 'Gideon' or 'Off The Record' or more stuff of "Z" and "Evil Urges" like 'I'm Amazed' but I still saw them play a ton of good songs. Thank you Jim Jacks and My Morning Jacket for putting on such an amazing show! I can't wait to see you again when you roll through Oregon in the future.

Lost in Interpretation

The title of this post comes from a screenplay I am currently writing about a young Irishman named Colm who decides to visit his American cousin Dillon. I was going to post a few pages but I had a bit of trepidation about posting it because of its strong adult content, and by that I mean the heavy use of swearing and filthy language used primarily by Colm. He's Irish and he swears a lot. You can't blame the guy, it's just the way he talks. The whole point of the story is that he uses so much thick Irish slang that his cousin can't understand him half the time. He curses a ton and uses the dirtiest of dirty words as if they were nothing. I decided not to post this because I'm sure people would be offended, but hopefully not Irish people, whom I love and adore profusely. If you'd like a copy of the script, I'd be more than willing to e-mail you a pdf version. I love the script and it'd be amazing if it was made into a film someday soon.

I think I am starting to feel happier now that I'm posting things on a regular basis, as opposed to just posting about once a month. My blog is still in its infancy, which is why probably only about 5 of my closest friends are actually reading this right now. I'm fine with that. I can't wait until I hit my one year mark. I'll have to do something exciting for when that happens. But enough on that.

So yes, my car was broken into two nights ago by some crackhead/tweaker and it certainly was a terrifying thing for me. What's the worst is that they stole my stereo face and now my stereo is basically worthless and I can't listen to what remains of my cd collection. At least two of my smaller cd carriers were left unscathed and that makes the blow less devastating. They stole some of my favorite cd's. But for some reason, I'm not screaming at the top of my lungs about it.

However, my car on the other hand, has taken a turn for the worse. With the rear passenger window being decimated and having a black trash bag duct-taped in place of it, my car has taken on the appearance of a hoopde. Having been in an easily avoided yet nonetheless stupid accident in May, my front right headlights are unhinged and hooked on with duct-tape. Now my engines heat valve is on the fritz and I constantly have to be aware of my cooling levels so that I don't overheat it and end up stranded. My car, a 1992 Canadian Acura Integra 4-door sedan of 5 years, has slowly begun to poop out on me. Yes, my car is Canadian. My Dad & I bought it from a guy who bought it off a Canadian lady. It's speedometer is in Kilometers; something that I was wary of when I first started driving it. But now, years later, it's second nature for me. So much so, that I want all the road signs in America to change to metric. Come on USA! Do as the Canadians do! I've done a lot of things to my car thus far into its life (in this case, "her" name is Carolina). I've driven it as far as Walnut Creek, California (near San Francisco) and back without it breaking down once. It's served me well and I want it to live for a few more years. I love my car to death. Well considering I almost died in it when I fell asleep at the wheel (Just once mind you! But still it was incredibly stupid of me) that statement could have proven true. I don't know what more to do. I'm at wit's end. God please don't let my car die. I'll be good to her, I swear. Just don't take Carolina from me. She's all I got! Well, I guess it's just her and Madeleine my red bicycle I got off some lady in Vancouver, WA off craigslist. I can't help giving feminine names to my machines. It's a force of habit or something. It will definitely be a sad day for me when I no longer use my good 'ole Carolina the Acura Intergra for transportation. A sad day indeed.

To whomever just stole all of the cd's out of my car

Now I'm not normally an angry person. I'd say I'm a pretty mellow kinda guy most of the time. Most of the time. Except for when my mom pops in my room at 7:00 am to tell me that my car window has been smashed in and all my (at least a hundred) cd's have been taken out. I don't want to go up to see, but the anger has already started to boil up inside me. I try to forget her endlessly telling me not to leave them in there and that I should have known better and all that, but in the years of living here, there has never been a single instance of car theft or burglary. Although in the case of life, shit happens. And oh how it seemed to happen to me. I have to say that car break-ins annoy the living piss outta me and I know that I'm called to love as a Christian, but how can I do that when some crackhead/tweaker/whatever who just willingly defiled my car and took off with stuff that was not theirs! I also know that I should not be complaining because there are far worse off things in the world. Maybe this is God's way of saying I need to calm down and not be so comfortable with the style of life I've been living. I don't know what to think right now as anger courses through my veins. I'd hoped that my car would never get broken into but now it has happened and I'm devastated. I'll live and I luckily have all my cd's on my itunes so it's not like I can't just burn them onto blank cd's if I need to. It just stings me terrible to think that someone pulled the wool over my eyes and got the better of me. I'm embarrassed yet I have the rage of ten men. Sure I'd like nothing more than to see whoever stole my stuff to end up in jail and being man-handled by the police, but also I hope the guy/girl is okay and that whatever problems they're having in their life aren't so bad that they have to steal to survive. I feel sick and I don't know how long it's going to take for me to get over this. It's a complete shock to me. My friends car was recently broken into and had his cd's and his stereo stolen. I should have been more careful after that. It's a messed up world we live in and you can't be safe all the time. I guess that's what has been drilled into my head today. It's a terrible way to wake up though. But I should shut up now because I don't have it that bad. It's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. But wherever you are, stealing cd's isn't gonna help you mate. You gotta find something else for you life, cause obviously breaking into cars ain't cutting it. God bless you. Just don't scratch them, you stole some really good ones.