a-thinkin' & a-wondrin'

new roommates Zac & Matt


the back porch

the front

swag bookcase

so I live in Bend now.

yeah it's crazy like that. I didn't expect to be here this soon, but the planets aligned and here I am. well if you want to know, my best friends Zac and Lindsay Bascom are the real reason why I'm here. I don't think I'd be down here otherwise and I'm happy about that fact.

they moved, they wanted me to be their roommate, so the logical conclusion was that I should do it. another motivator was me moving out of my parents house. that was a big one for me. it's so odd right now, being on my own essentially, paying for groceries myself, and living like I should have years ago. this came about at the most opportune time in my life. I was hoping for an adventure and this is an adventure.

I've been here two weeks now and things are goin fantastic. I HAVE A JOB NOW! it's with a call center for iPhone customers. even though I don't own an iPhone, nor do I know how to use one, I'm gonna be helping people who do own one. after three weeks of training I'll know them back to front.

so I've been blessed with a job, a house, good friends and an amazing new home: Bend. I want all my friends to come and visit me all this summer! this year is lookin pretty good thus far.

all manner of malady come to be seen

I found a version of this online and thought it looked astounding, so naturally I decided to give it a whirl. First, you open your iTunes and put it on shuffle. Then you write a poem using the first audible line of each song. Mine shall go like this:

I am thinking it's a sign
I am born to hang
sweet talkin' Johnny push a john quicker than he spit
you may be an ambassador to England or France
however hard I try, I crawl when I should fly

Many men have battled,
I see thy love in the distance
Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
take leave the conscious mind
when you're back in your old neighborhood

You took it back
another year has gone by
let's take a ride to the easy plateau
the first time I saw you
here we go.

I'd like to drop my trousers to the world
feels like you're miles from here,
I thought about my life
born a poor young country boy

Stickshifts and safetybelts
I think that it's time to get out
throw my ticket out the window
Cain said to Abel

Closer away from the boundaries
she says "wake up, it's no use pretending"
soon ends our stay here and it's been fun.
I don't want to be your friend
today’s been a career day

I shoulda known better with a girl like you
on it's on, I declare my room a scene
something in the way she eases my mind
the final phase
golly Sandra

and I heard a voice through the dischord
white moon, white moon breaks open the tomb
all manner of malady come to be seen

This Is My [A-->B] Life

As promised, here is an alternate version of an itunes survey that I'm going to take using my playlist on shuffle. I can't get enough of these. They're so fun and eerie depending on what your responses are. To mix it up, each song represents a track to the soundtrack of my life. I'm playing the first 18 songs that come up on my itunes, no matter how embarrassing. You can do this too if you feel like it. This is how she goes:

Track no. 1: Opening Credits
Bob Dylan - "Ballad in Plain D" (Cool, that'd make a sweet opener)

Track no. 2: Waking Up
Beirut - "The Penalty" (I can picture it well. Great ukulele song, even better than that ukulele version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow)

Track no. 3: First Day of School
Coldplay - "How You See The World No. 2" (Yes indeedy)

Track no. 4: Falling In Love
Pinback - "Messenger" (I'm with a girl who's stationed far from here...)

Track no. 5: Fight Song
Clinic - "Family" (We will fight psychedelically!)

Track no. 6: Breaking Up
Jenoah - "Man In Me (Bob Dylan cover)" ('It ain't me babe, it ain't me you're looking for babe.' Wow, that's insanely accurate)

Track no. 7: Prom Night
Thrice - "Digital Sea" (Sorta techno-y style. I can dance to it like nobody's business)

Track no. 8: Life's Okay
Pete Yorn - "Black" ('I’m just a lonely guy in my youth, waiting for you is all I wanna do.' That's me to a tee)

Track no. 9: Nervous Breakdown
The Frames - "True" (What a soothing breakdown it'd be)

Track no. 10: Road Trip
Wilco - "Sunken Treasure" (Seriously good driving tunes)

Track no. 11: Flashback Montage
Grandaddy - "Under the Western Freeway" (It certainly lends itself to a trippy flashback sequence, doesn't it?)

Track no. 12: Making Up
The Beautiful Mistake - "Walking Wounded" (I had to cheat and shuffle two more times because Wilco and Coldplay came up again and I wanted a more diverse group of artists to contribute to this list. I apologize for the inconsistency, but this song suits it much better anyway)

Track no. 13: Wedding
Cake - "Race Car Ya-Yas" ('...the land where large fuzzy dice still hang proudly like testicles from rear-view mirrors...' Hahaha only at my wedding)

Track no. 14: First Baby
Project 86 - "Rebuttal" (Strange, I think my cheating messed this up. Or maybe it didn't? My first baby is really gonna dig some macabre rock n' roll)

Track no. 15: Final Battle
Eddie Vedder - "Long Nights" (Picturing this in my head it looks so EPIC!)

Track no. 16: Death Scene
My Morning Jacket - "Heartbreakin Man" (I do in fact want to die listening to this one song)

Track no. 17: Funeral Song
The Clash - "White Riot" (Haha, what does that tell you about me? I'm white and there's gonna be a riot at my funeral apparently. Nice)

Track no. 18: Closing Credits
As I Lay Dying - "Collision" / City and Colour - "Hello, I'm In Delaware" (This is interesting. I know As I Lay Dying is still on my itunes, but I think I kinda hate them now. I've lost a taste for the harder, metal music and developed into a folk/acoustic sensibility. City and Colour is a reflection of this new taste in music style. It was on random and I didn't pick it personally, but it fits me so well)

So as you can see, a few times I had to cheat and skip to the next song, partly to add more variety, partly because I keep forgetting that I still have some metal bands on my itunes that I never listen to anymore. I think it went well. It was fun and a lot of the songs were relevant to each aspect of my life soundtrack. As for the later half of my life that I know nothing about, that remains to be seen. Now I need to find a cooler survey to take next month. Cheers!

Age Quod Agis

I've become a sucker for Latin. It's hands down the most beautiful and wisest of the languages, and of course, all the romance languages are based in it (i.e. french, italian, etc.)

I thought I'd give a few phrases that sound awesome and have really cool meanings too.

First off:

Age Quod Agis = Do what you do well/Be present in what you are doing
Adeste Fideles = Be present, faithful ones
Cui Peccare Licet Peccat Minus = One who is allowed to sin, sins less

Then there's:

Dum Spiro, Spero = While I breathe, I hope
Dum Vita Est Spes Est = While there is life, there is hope
Esto Perpetua = Be thou forever/Endure forever/Let it be perpetual

And even more:

A Cruce Salus = Salvation from the Cross/From the Cross, comes salvation
Domine, Dirige Nos = Lord, direct us/Lord guide us
Deus Absconditus = God who is hidden

Finally:

Sic Transit Gloria = Glory fades (Rushmore/Brand New fans? Anyone?)
Nil Desperandum = Never despair

There you go. This concludes your first Latin lesson. Consummatum Est (It is finished).

Cry Myself A River and Row My Boat Ashore

this is my feeble attempt at a worship song. it's my kind of worship song all right!

oh healer wont'choo come?
sit beside me,
lay your warmth upon me
open up my tear ducts
and let it rain down sadness
flush out this madness in me
I can't cry, on my own
I don't know why, even now
can you tell me how?
how to feel a fraction
of the way you do?
oh healer wont'choo come?

A Hymn for the Ghost Man (Who Found His Place In The World and Called It Good)

wanderin through the snow with no shoes on
no clothes to speak of
i don't know where i'm going but it must be somewhere good
neglectin frostbite creeping through my veins
that's the least of my worries
i'm travelin heavenbound
on this cold, cold, "damn it's cold!" ground

i count the dead frozen neath my feet
and stagger on and suck cold air
it's a fools errand with no reward
i started twenty or so years ago
and sacrificed my heart and soul
i'm continuin heavenbound
on this cold, cold, desolate ground

I Am Nothing (That's That)

I am nothing
but air
and cells
and divisions
and vessels
and veins
and sinews
and bones
and blood
and muscles
and skin
and limbs
and heartbeats
and nitrogen
and oxygen
and countless other things that make up my body chemistry that would take far too long to name
but again I am nothing
a body
hurtling
through this life
this existence
this reality
this planet
this year
this month
this week
this day
this hour
this second
right now at the time you would call 12:51 am on a dreary late night in December where I find that I can't go to sleep just yet and realize that I really am sick.
the one person who said they never get sick
has gotten sick
and I feel it
nose stuffed
head hurts
can't think
hard to write these words
I know I'd better get to bed
but do I write more?
or just go to sleep?
I'll write till I can't think of anything more to say and that'll be when I know to get some shut-eye.
I never fully realized the significance of that saying: shut-eye.
I used to think as a kid it meant shudeye, but that makes absolutely no sense.
I started this as a poem but it doesn't seem like one now
I'm not very good at writing poetry though, but who's to say this still isn't a poem?
I say it is!
and why not?
who are you to say what is and isn't?
I declare that what is is and what isn't isn't
and that's that.
is this the end?
yes, it is the end.