Will Never Marry

So my big brother Chris has been married for two days now. Him and his lovely bride Stacy officially tied the knot at the Holy Trinity Church in Beaverton on Saturday and I couldn't have been happier for the pair of them. They've been engaged for about six years now and everyone in our family knows that that is a long engagement. They've been married in my mind for that long, it just took them until now to make it legit. I love them both and Stacy is a welcome addition to our rapidly growing family.

Both my brothers are married now. One thing that bothers me about wedding time is that my relatives invariably ask the question "So when are you getting married?" It is now down to my sister Caitie and me in terms of saying "I do." I try to avoid the question as humanly possible and immediately brush it off or change the subject. My main answer has been "...not for awhile" or "not in the near future" when in actuality, I don't ever want to be married, ever. I'm almost 100% sure of this. I know that whenever I say this kind of thing, people automatically counter it with "You say that now, but you'll find that special someone soon." But no, I daresay I won't. Sure no one dies alone, and I'm not going to die alone. I'll die with plenty of friends as support. I don't need a partner alongside me to validate my life or make me feel complete. I'm as complete as I'm gonna get.

Morrissey, the former front-man of The Smiths and solo musician, puts it very succinctly in his song "Will Never Marry" off his Bona Drag album. He says, "I'm writing this to say in a gentle way, thanks but no / I will live my life as I will undoubtedly die... alone" Now granted Morrissey himself is an incredibly ardent loner who claims he is bored with both men and women, I really relate with the way he feels. I feel like people have been pushing upon me this idea that you must marry, raise a family and lead this very structured life. I'm preposterously unstructured and I demand a non-linear sort of life in which having a wife simply will not fit into. There is the off-chance that there's someone out there who fits that bill, but I highly doubt it. Plus, I don't have the sort of commitment that is required of a husband. I can barely take care of myself let alone another human being. Our marriage would fail miserably, so I'm really better off. And I'm broke and living with my parents so there you go.